Mrs.B

I have been thinking and thinking about all the comments that were made on my last post and I feel like I need to clarify what I’m thinking…

What I’m thinking is that I know what depression feels like. It is a dark and awful place to be in. I have been diagnosed with it so far twice in my life, once in my early 20s and again about 18 months ago. …

Life is weird at the moment. I ran out of my Citalopram tablets about two weeks ago, went without them for a few days, then got a new prescription but started taking half a dose every day.

I am definitely feeling the effects of the lower dose. …

I think that a large proportion of the western world does not take care of new mothers.

It starts with labour – the baby is monitored closely, but very often the wellbeing of the mother is a secondary priority.

After the birth, most of the attention is on the baby. …

… or should I say “summer”?

As I was basking in 23°C yesterday (I don’t work on Wednesdays, remember? :), I realised how I managed to fend of depression for so long (from my 1st episode in 1998 until 2010) – for most of that time I lived in Australia! …

I can’t really say that I have been a 100% sugar free since I started this ‘experiment’ on 1st of January – I eat yogurt, which more often than not has added sugar, I eat fruit (fresh and dried) and I have some strawberry jam on my oatmeal pancakes once or twice a month.

I have, however, stayed away from all other sources of sugar – cakes, pastries, chocolate, candy, peanut butter, Nutella, etc. [...]

That’s me screaming for my mommy, by the way, not one of my kids.

Explanation:

My mother (who has lived with us for the past 6 years) was due to come back from Estonia on the 1st of January but managed to catch pneumonia right before Christmas. I changed her plane tickets for the 9th of January to give her another week to rest. She was keen to come back on the 1st, but since J’s mom and sister are here, I figured we’ll manage an extra week without Mother.

We have managed indeed, with great help from mama and auntie Kate, but J has been sick in bed since we returned and the house just hasn’t had the normal, stable, healthy, happy vibe that I love and need for my sanity. [...]

I had a Moaning Myrtle kind of an evening last night – I have been not been taking my Citalopram as often as I should and it looks like it’s caught up with me. I was feeling very very glum and annoyingly teary.

“My God, woman, it’s been 3 years, pull yourself together!” I kept telling myself… but since I had spent the day talking either to pregnant people or to people who’d just had a beautifully peaceful selective-section, the feelings of total failure and humiliation just all came flooding back.

Thankfully when J came home after 10 sometime, he provided me with some humour to end the day on a slightly positive note.

“You know someone tried to pick me up at the pub!” [...]

Yesterday I wrote about something that happened 5 years ago. I did not expect to get as much personal sympathy as I did and in a way it made me feel awkward. I wrote that post because Mumsnet’s campaign needs human faces, but I know that there are many who view this as writing to get attention.

I realise that one has to draw the line somewhere in how much is shared with the world, but I also think that a lot of things we all go through we would cope better with if we only shared them with someone else. [...]

I’ve heard from others that sometimes postnatal depression hits you like a bus – from the day you give birth you cannot stop crying, you throw things or completely withdraw and you feel detached from your baby.

I know from my own life that sometimes postnatal depression doesn’t hit you like a bus – it just kind of creeps up on you. …

I’ve had a strange urge in the last few days to give my mother a big hug and tell her how much I appreciate it that she’s putting her life on hold year after year to help us out with the boys. My happy pills must have kicked in. But of course I haven’t acted [...]

I’m at work today, but due to technical reasons I cannot do any work.  This was planned. yet we still had to come in, just to sit here and look pretty.  I made sure I blow-dried my fringe extra smooth this morning. Just in case. — I had a dream the other day that my [...]

I haven’t been myself lately. Actually probably since Oliver’s traumatic birth, so for quite a while… I know exactly what’s going on as I’ve been there, done that before… but that was more than a decade now and this time I’ve been trying to get it under control on my own. On and off it’s [...]