Potty training advice for Americans
Monday, 6 December 2010 
27 Comments
I’m going to give advice.
I’ll probably get some hatemail for it, but here’s the deal: I read a lot of Americans’ blogs and when it comes to potty training, there seems to be a reoccurring theme – a potty is introduced into the household when the child is already passed their 2nd birthday, the child has no concept of this weird object and resists having anything to do with it. The parents say “Oh well, he/she is not ready, let’s wait for another year and try again”.
Here are my suggestions.
Introduction to potty training:
- Bring a potty (or two) into the household before their 1st birthday, preferably around the time they are able to sit up unassisted.
- Have the potty in a visible place (we have one in the living room, as well as one in the bathroom).
- In the beginning, put them on the potty after they wake up from naps. Most of the time you’ll score.
- When you do score, make a big song and dance about it. High five to your heart’s content.
- Keep this game up until your child’s second summer. Yes, that can be months, but it’s important that the potty is not an alien item to them. Just as long as they get to sit on it once or twice a day will give them enough familiarity for when the training speeds up.
Final phase – second summer
We did it in June for both boys and for my firstborn it meant that he was 2 years and 4 months and for my second one it meant that he was only 19 months.
- Take away the nappies/diapers. Put a few pairs of underwear on them, it’ll make the puddles on the floor a little bit smaller than they would be otherwise :)
- Sit them on the potty every 10-20 minutes. Most of the time they’ll do something in it within a few minutes. If they don’t, let them go about their business and try again later. I don’t think it’s worth making them sit on the potty for long periods at a time.
- When they use the potty for its intended purpose proceed with song/dance/high-fiving.
- If they have an accident, don’t make a big deal of it. Just say something along the lines of an “oopsie daisy” and put them on the potty anyway, most of the time you’ll catch something in the potty as well. Then you can sing/dance/high-five.
- When you’re out of the house, take a few pairs of spare clothes with you and a portable potty.
- Driving could make things tricky – we don’t have a car so I never had to worry about long periods in the car. You might have to put a nappy on for long car trips, just make sure to take it off once you’re reached your destination.
- Within a few weeks, your little one should be trained and have minimal accidents. Even if they can’t verbally express that they need to go, they’ll be able to point to their private bits or pick up the potty and take it to you indicating they need to go.
This is how it worked for us and I definitely think the earlier they get used to the concept of a potty, the easier it’ll be.
Night time is a bit of a different story as it sort of relates to their brain development more than training. My 2-year old is still in nappies at night, although most of the time they are dry in the morning.
Does all of this sound too crazy? Other early potty-trainers – what did I miss? What worked for you?
One of the positives of living on a farm (and there are a few) is that potty training involved letting them run around outside without pants on (in the summer). No one to see them, no one to offend. No mess on the floor. Despite the potential for it to backfire later (like when in public and the pants come off while you're distracted with something else), it actually worked.
love it! will definitely post and share! i was at a holiday party sat night with american elementary school teachers and we gripped about how american kids up to age 5 are still pooping in their pants. it's ridiculous & embarrassing. all i can say, is thank god for my italian nonna who had me trained by age 2.
I bought pampers dry nights sheets for the car seat as we drive around quite a bit. It saves the car seat.
I'm so not ready for this. Can someone come up with a bootcamp you can send the little ones away to train them :)
Tried half heartedly when he was 2 1/2, but he didn't like the undies on. We also left the potty out, tried him on that, but he wasn't keen. We went away for a week when he was 2yr 10month and he was day trained in a week – it just clicked with him. We did have the odd accident because he held on too long and couldn't make it to the toilet in time!
Definately need to try when they are younger. Xavier was day and night toilet trained by 2 years 5 months. I know lots of parents who wait until their children are over 3 and then wonder why their child is stubborn and refuses to use the toilet.
Both my boys were potty trained by 2 years 2 months and that is considered quite late in Estonia, especially if you have friends with little girls who tend to get the grip of it even earlier. I did pretty much the above and started when they were about 12 month old, summertime helps too as they went behind the tree in the garden. I has many pottys as well, one of them the singing when the results game (boy liked it, I was driven a bit nuts). Funny thing was that they didnt need nappies nighttime even much earlier than daytime.
Sorry to chime in with "bad news" but our first started using potty in about 3 days when she was 2 yrs 5 months. Yes, I had been reading the US mommy web :), and I hate unnecessary trouble, so… We kept the potty out before and we tried to seat her there in the mornings, kind of half-heartedly perhaps, but nothing happened and she became restless most of times. Then spring arrived and we took the carpet off the floor and had her running around without diapers or panties. She did it twice on floor and once in pyjamas for the three days, then potty was on for the day and pretty soon on also for the night.
Then why trouble yourself for months and months? :) Anyway, no one enters school in nappies, as far as I know, so the main thing is – do it your way (any way!), and do not worry! :)
Important note – we have a fairly large bathroom so we let the kids "sit in" sometimes – i.e. did not necessarily send them out when… you know :). They learn by copying, after all, so how do you learn if you never saw it! ;) And we talked about it. Then also potty is not a "strange" thing.
It's not really hassling for months and months, it's just having the potty around and sitting them on it a few times a day, or maybe even just once a day… and we do have an open door policy as well when it comes to the bathroom :), so indeed I agree about the copying part…
I feel a bit like an outsider saying this but my daughter was diaper free at 11,5 MONTHS! Her nights were dry since she was 9 months old (or a bit earlier) (and don't ask my why, she slept over 12H). And she started walking at 13 months.
Once I took the diaper off, I NEVER put it back! NEVER! ( But I carried extra clothes with me at all times)
Well you can start by putting the child sitting on the potty since she knows how to sit independently. There is no need to wait until she knows how to stand up alone from the potty. My daughter started to stand up alone (from the potty) quite late but I remember she was still crawling when she first did it. And already without a nappy.
Also the potty has to be a good size- the legs have to touch the ground! (Try to sit yourself on the potty when your feet don't touch the pavement) Touching the ground with the feet helps to push, when it's difficult to poo :) (it's true, eh!)
Long trips in the car, and we have done lots and lots of them, is no problem at all. My daughter has been diaperless for more than 7 months and she has never(!!!) wet her pants in the car! The secret is to keep the potty in the car (even a normal one, not a compact) and make stops. Not every 10-20 minutes but at least once per hour (not when the baby is sleeping).
Also flying for example. I fly to Estonia at least twice in a year and I just use the normal toilet and hold her in my arms, when she has to pee. ( I've never carried a potty with me to the plane). Though, I pee her before to enter the airport and right after we leave.
What I've written about travelling long-distance with a child in my blog: http://degiorgis.blogspot.com/search/label/travel…
With the sleeping it's always the same rule – potty the child before to go to sleep and right after she wakes up. Nothing difficult. My 19-month-old runs alone in the bathroom and takes her potty , tries to get her pants down alone (doesn't always succeed, yet) and sits. Also if you are in the car and she had a nap or wherever you are – small children ALWAYS have to pee once they wake up. Always!
I 've got lot to share :) and I wrote about it in my blog: http://degiorgis.blogspot.com/2010/05/diaperless-…
Now I am 20 weeks pregnant and I will do the exact same thing with the next child. (Of course there is a possibility of potty training since birth but that doesn't involve SITTING on the potty, but holding the child above the potty UNTIL she learns how to sit alone)
Remember – potty training needs to come with lots of love, patience and without punishments!!! (of any kind)
I forgot an important thing: listen to your baby! Since birth every child does some sort of a sign when peeing or other. With time, they loose it, if the sign doesn't come respected (that's what the infant potty trainers hang onto – placing the baby above potty when the child does the signal). It's possible that a 3-year-old doesn't do any signal while peeing, if he's wearing diapers (with pooping it's a bit different, as we all know).
The signal can be lots of things – from a slight face movement to quick shivering…
My daughter doesn't say the word "potty" or "pee" or "poo" yet, she understands them all but doesn't say the word. So, how do we understand she has to go on a potty? Well, at first she did a sound, that sounds like a bear :) (no kidding) – that was her first signal to us after we started potty training her. Then she started to take the hand (pull the hand) when she had to do it and now she is saying something that sounds like "pee". Usually I just ask her if she has to go and she answers.
I really suggest you to read the book that I mention in my blog, either your child is a newborn or a 2-year-old
Great post. Potty training like many other habit changings (eg. pacifier) is more up to the parents than to the child.
Making the potty visible works. Since mine were sitting up I always put them on the potty first thing in the morning. Most of the time it saved me a nappy.
My son was potty trained by the age of 2. I had to get him out of the nappy before his sister was born. We did it over the summer and it took some time, but no trouble with stone floors and private garden.
Great breakthrough was when he asked to go while we were driving and he refused to do it in the nappy. From there on he was clear on days and nights followed shortly.
With my daughter we missed the summer (up to me), and did it whan she was 2y3m. I created a sticker chart (10 stickers = a small gift) and she was completely clear less than 5 days. I was impressed.
Baby signing solves the signal system.
Signing or signal, the purpose is the same – to make the parent understand that it's potty time.
(btw: the signal "system" is not something that you teach to the child. at least my 8 month-old decided for herself what sign to use when she had to do it) As I said, every child makes a sign since birth…it's our job to detect it, follow and respect it.
Sorry for commenting so much but I just remembered another thing – this advise is soooo needed for Italians as well! I have a friend whose child, (a 3-yo) is ASKING to stay without a diaper but the mother is not ready. She makes a fuss when the child pees in the pants and makes the child promise: "if you pee in the pants i put you the diaper back. you promise not to pee in the pants?" Crazy!
Well I seem to be a rather alternative mother but I believe that also pacifier is not needed for the child. For 1-2 months I thought it was something normal, then I read J.Liedloff's "The Concept of continuum" (wish I had read it before) and I just threw the pacifier away. She didn't miss it, neither did we. I went full-time for "breast feeding on demand" and thought to do also long-term nursing. But my child decided to wean herself at 16 months :(
I'm so glad this has opened up such a great discussion and that everyone's got new tips to share. We should collectively write a book, it'd be a bestseller!
Oo, I don't know how I missed this post.
I am also one of these mad Estonians who has put her baby girl on the potty almost as soon as she could sit. I didn't do this all the time but every time she woke from her naps. There was no fuss and 90% of the time she would fill the potty. We have never had any fuss about using the potty as it has always been as part of her life and she knows no different.
She very soon learned to ask for a pooh as she was probaly able to feel the sensation of it coming as it usually takes longer for a number 2 to appear and doesn't take her by surprise as a wee sometimes does.
She is now 21 months and is most of the time without nappies. Unfortunately we are a family that moves around a lot in the car and therefore we just wouldn't manage without nappies in the car. It would be very tricky to suddenly stop in the middle of a busy road in order to use the potty and we know that once she says she needs to go she wouldn't be able to wait for very long. Unfortunately we were just a month or two late to say bye bye to nappies in the warmer weather. There is no way that I will make her go outside now in the ice cold weather!
I'm sure as the spring starts showing it's first signs we will be on our way to be nappy-free forever.
So all together I agree with all the other Estonians here; I would just add that we never let our dauther sit on the potty for a long time in one go. Instead of that, I always make sure when she sits down, she concentrates and relaxes to let the wee come. Sometimes I draw her attention to the sounds outside, or I suddenly speak in whispers to focus her. I don't always put to much attention to the potty itself as it can often also be felt as a pressure and therefore can become unpleasant (especially if you have to do it in every 20 min at the beginning). If I see that she is relaxed and has attempted to make something but nothing comes, I praise her for trying and if she did manage to make something then there is a big song/dance and who knows what…
So it is not really about when THEY (children ) are ready but when WE (parents) are!
Exactly! When the parents are… And which way it should be??
The thing is that back in time less consideration was given to what the child wants or is ready for, and it was believed the doctors, the parents, almost anyone else knows better.
While the fresh thinking is, that they do what they need to do, when they are ready for it.
My MIL was holding her head, too, when at 2 yrs still we were happy in nappy, and telling us she had her kids trained by the time they were 8 months… But then she lived in the era when you washed nappies by hand – you had no choice but to potty-train! When it was also believed you need to start real foods at 2 or 4 months or your baby will starve! Etc etc. It is more relaxed now. Plus, for God's sake, no, your child does not need to be the first in everything, or as early as possible. It is not a competition!
Or is it?
I am not a big fan of everything American either, but a lot of research comes from there, especially in the fields of psychology and development. You get new information, you change your thinking accordingly…
A correction: it is not fresh thinking! This modern thinking was one of the “side-effects” which arrived with the Industrial Revolution (started in UK!). It all started with strollers (first in UK!) and from there on the world wasn’t the same (mainly for babies): Colics, vaccines (+allergies), pacifiers, disposable diapers and so on.
The book called “The continuum concept” , written by an American, Jean Liedloff, explains the topic very well.
Of course the revolution gave us positive things as well, I am not saying that it didn’t.
So, like I said, I am a rather alternative mother and I CHOSE to take steps back towards how parenting used to be before Industrial Revolution. I truly believe that potty training your child is a very GREEN thing to do, it’s a pity that it takes so long for parents to understand it. Earlier the better. It’s not about competition but it’s about our future. Our children’s future.
Speaking about diapers: also there is the alternative- the washable ones – they pollute but they hurt your own child less. And how much you save by using them! I know that in some parts of UK there is a huge encouragement going on! if you decide to keep your toddler in a diaper for 3 years, at least do it in a green way!
What I meant by ‘It is not really about when THEY (children ) are ready but when WE (parents) are’ that the children are ready as soon as they are born but without us they won’t be able to start using the potty. So if we suddenly start thinking about potty training then it is more to do with us being ready than them being ready.
I don’t put my baby on the potty because I want to be one of the first ones who masters the potty training and wins the prize, I do it because I know my child is capable to do it but she needs my help in order to master this skill.
Modern or not modern thinking I always use my own motherly instincts based on my own child\s behavior and make decisions accordingly – so it is always based on my child’s needs and wants rather than someone else’s.
Also if I would give her a choice now to wear the nappy or not she would choose not to wear it. At 21 months she makes more fuss when we try to put her pull ups on than when we put her on the potty. I can see how it makes her moving around more difficult when wearing pull ups than when she is without.
So I don’t understand why these mothers worry at all about the potty training if their answer to this is ‘Wait when they are ready’? Why don’t you just wait then when your child is coming home from school and says that she/he has had enough of sitting on her/his own wee/pooh and could mum be so kind and help them to use a toilet. Problem solved and everybody can relax :)
hahhaaaa! :D Last one was good :) I actually know one child who's 4 and said to the mother: "I am not ready to be potty trained"
Every mother should trust her instincts but with time (and mostly after 18th century) the environment has altered the instincts. Now the mother gives antibiotics or a vaccine against flu, keeps the child 24H away from the mother (strollers, not breast feeding (by choice)…no cuddling, placing the baby in day-nursery at the age of 3 months….. and so on. And then the parents complain why the child is behaving like this, why is s/he having tantrums why this and why that. Oeh. Children are not toys – they see, hear and feel like rest of us. Children are human beings!
Raine – go become a politician, you´d be just great. :) Good night, ladies!
I love a good discussion :) What should I write about next – vaccinations? circumcision?
Ha ha ha…maybe wait until Christmas is over before you start another war here :D
Great posting and great discussion!!! I got more encouraged to keep potty training my almost 9 month old baby :) I noticed that it is a LOT easier for her to take poop while on potty. Makes sense doesn't it? Try yourself to poop while sitting on the floor or chair :D So much great information, thanks everybody!
And – please do write about circumcision, I would love to read. And target Americans again :D
http://degiorgis.blogspot.com/2011/03/knives-and-…
So, here I go with one of my first (serious) posts about parenting.